For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the

way computers have enhanced our lives, read on...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates

reportedly compared

the computer industry with the auto industry and

stated, "If GM had kept

up with technology like the computer industry has,

we would all be

driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the

gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General

Motors issued a press

release stating: If GM had developed technology

like Microsoft, we would

all be driving cars with the following

characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would

crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in

the road, you would have

to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the

freeway for no reason.

You would have to pull over to the side of the road,

close all of the

windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen

the windows

before you could continue. For some reason you

would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such

as a left turn would

cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart,

in which case you

would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was

powered by the sun, was

reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to

drive - but

would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and

alternator warning lights would

all be replaced by a single "This Car Has

Performed An Illegal

Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you

sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever,

your car would lock you

out and refuse to let you in until you

simultaneously lifted

the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of

the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car

buyers would have to

learn how to drive all over again because none of

the controls would

operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.You'd have to press the "Start" button

to turn the engine off.

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes

hate - their computer.

Helpful Hint #4 - Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.